Tag Archives: Faith

640 – my k.s.a diaries

26 Jun

In the mood today to share my story, just wanted to open up, might as well be helpful on freeing heavy weight in my heart and motivate at least one human being, reading this. As of the moment, I’m typing in note app on my phone, lying on our shared king-sized bed, covered up again with my thick blanket because it’s cold in our room and I don’t want to be seen by my roommate and I don’t want to be distracted. Just me, and my thoughts. My real story.
Reasons why I’ve decided to work in KSA:

  • I’m tired of working hard with a small salary in a stressful environment. I wanted to have growth in my nursing career. I wanted to challenge myself even if I only have my two years clinical experience and months of volunteering. I took risk and step out of my comfort zone. 
  • I wanted to follow my sister in KSA. I don’t know if she knew that even if I have my best friends, I’m always attached with my sister. As much as possible, I never wanted to be separated with her. But she’s always the mature, strong but soft-hearted, and independent woman that I’ve known. She always wanted to leave out in our house because of her work distance from our house. That’s an excuse also for my sister to enjoy her youth, the fact of being away from the sight of our strict dad, so I understand her. But you know, I’m always sad whenever she’s leaving.. she’s like my second mom, most esp. when our mom is not always around. 
  • Of course.. to earn more money. I didn’t came to a poor family, only in middle-class as they called it. My mom is the bread winner, she’s working as nurse at Kuwait ever since she was in her twenty something until now; while my dad is just at home for the longest time I’ve known since we’re a baby with no interest to work again ever, his main role at home is to take care os us, me and my siblings. I’m a frugal type of person, but if I’m with my favorite human, I can spend like a princess. I’m not a fan of credit card and debts. I value money that’s why I saved a lot, at times.. Among my siblings, I have a lot of savings compare to them when we were studying.. my siblings always spend a lot on stuff that’s not important using our mom’s hard-earned money. I study hard to make my parents proud at me esp. my mom who’s very hardworking. We’re not poor as I told you, but I even applied for grant-in scholarship when I was in college. Money is the devil to most families, also to us. Money is always an issue in our household. I always cry like a baby. I hate it. I hate myself for the fact that because of money, responsibilities at home, the sight of my dad and brother fighting and disrespecting each other, and my dad who’s having self-pity almost every day, I ran out, I escape, and pushed myself to work here alone, all by myself through application, registration, flying here, going to my assigned hospital and room, until I resigned, I will still go home alone. But I appreciated now the art of being alone. There’s a good thing I learned and discovered about myself while being alone. 

My silent struggles in KSA:

  • A lot!!!! Like language barrier #1, being and living independently, wearing a tarha/hijab, can’t access my Spotify, eating my fave foods, controlling my wanderlust peg to travel, adapting alone for three months, adapting with my flatmates, sharing stuff with my flatmates, walking or doing errand outside alone day/night, not so good accommodation – food allowance/mess money/budget and transportation, unfair treatment of doctors to nurses, toxic duties, mental health, physical health, spiritual practice, social skills, creepy Saudi men, even teenagers!!! And homesickness maybe 10%.. in addition, it’s also a struggle to be a fangirl here, maybe 30%!!! And manyyyy more to mention.. Everyday I struggle but I will not tackle in every detail.. maybe someday if I can able to share it without any hesitation or doubt.. coz we all do struggle, it’s part of life and it’s part of our growth. No pain, no gain.

Reasons why I will not renew my contract and decided to quit my secured job:

  • I’m not genuinely happy.
  • I do not deserve this.
  • Safety is a must priority, *females!!
  • I am more than deserving for better growth and opportunities out there.
  • I decided to enjoy my youth by giving myself an early birthday gift, to choose joy and follow my dreams. I’m still confused and frustrated right now, but I hope I can figure it out and be fully ready on what I really want to do for the next years to come. 
  • I am not a slave for money and for the fact that they refused to give my employment certificate if I didn’t serve here for three years minimum. WTH. Imagine working in a month with only six days off, I heard some MOH with only four days off in a month, as in whaaaat!!!!!?? OMG. Luckily, I have a privilege for extra offs from my kind head nurse. That extra off was the accumulated extra hours of work. For example, in a week you have a total of eight hours overtime, so it will be one day extra off. Coz overtime pay here is zero SR. Charity for some areas. 
  • I’m not quitting because I can’t do this job anymore being a premature charge nurse and because of toxicity or what, coz we all know it’s part of the course.. *sometimes I can just sit on my duty doing nothing, and watching k-dramas, that’s our benign days goes. I just don’t want to be ignorant anymore of the language barrier among my patients and health team. I learned only basic Arabic, yes I survived but I still can’t properly teach proper education on my patients for example.

Of course there’s something I loved here in KSA, Southern region to be specific:

  • I really love the nice and cool weather here. I think I am born during cold season that’s why I was able to adapt really well. I didn’t got sick like common colds and cough, tonsillitis, diarrhea-like, fever and the ill-symptoms when you’re stressed. NEVER. Thank you God!!! Actually, I gained fat. I’m that kinda hiyang talaga here. 
  • Internet access – STC. Sometimes it’s craaaappyyyy but it’s way better than our connection in PH.. kdrama pa more!!!!!! Fangirl pa more!! Stream pa more!!! *I always got a message that I consumed my data faster than expected or usual. Hehe oh! serry. 
  • The abaya dress, because I can wear my PJs all day and night when going OUT even I didn’t took a bath. Haha! But I don’t like wearing tarha/hijab!!! My face is very different if I wear those. 
  • I’m happy that I’ve met and gained sisters here, our kabayan, then Indian, and Saudis. They said, we can be friends to all but only trust a few.. that’s so true.. I’m thankful that I’ve met Bessy Cheryl and Ate Grace here. I will do cherish and keep in touch the most to them when I will fly back to PH soooon πŸ’–

~ Before I end this sharing, I also want to tell that right now, I’m experiencing God’s delays, coz supposed to be I must be on my home country before this month ends.. but still I haven’t booked my return ticket, my passport’s not with me, not applied yet for bank clearance needed for my exit visa. All in hold because of this holiday’s celebration. Wow lang, diba? But I MUST HOLD ON TO GOD, HAVE FAITH IN HIM THAT IN EVERY THING I AM EXPERIENCING AS OF THIS MOMENT HAS A PURPOSE!!!!! Kakapit lang me, at makakauwi rin naman tayo, self

Thanks for reading!

Always be grateful 🌷

Love,

Nj

631

18 Jun

What to feel? 
Ambivalent.

Sad but grateful.

Excited but scared.

A bit of separation anxiety

But thankful for No last duty symdrome. Received six patients, 1 DAMA, then no admission, trans-out, trans-in, discharge, or absconded. 

Survived my 309 clinical duty experience in KMMCH, all thanks to my Heavenly Father up there!!!!! Nurse NJ, officially signing out..
Always be grateful 🌷

Love, 

Nj

623

12 Jun

I stepped on this hospital first, and I remember how my heart skipped so fast because of my worries instead of excitement. I am scared. I am alone. But I looked up in the sky, and I see you Lord. He calmed and comforted my weak soul. This is why I love skies, I see and feel His presence even more. From that day onwards, I learned and appreciate the word Independence. 

Like early afternoon, I had to go alone and have my police clearance be translated. Though I doubted our new driver at first, I trusted God that I will be safe. When I seated to his car, first thing that I saw was a picture of Jesus Christ. I felt safe and thankful. When we started to depart, I started to have a video conference with my dad. I told him just to be there and not to drop my call until I arrive in my destination, and he did. Brother Binu, my driver that time was very kind and helpful coz he looked around to where’s that translation office even though it’s very hot outside.. then we found the office. Translation process will take a day, So I submitted my original police clearance with copies of my iqama and passport. When we’re about to leave, I called again my dad, he told me why I left there my original police clearance without a photocopy on hand. Omg. I almost forgot to take copies, good thing I called him. #fatherknowsbestforreal hehe. He really knew how adulting works when it comes to all your documents! Big thanks to my two dad, I accomplished my errand quick and safely.

As I end my post, I hope Marawi people can experience again freedom, living without fear, having peace and love just like their lives before. I pray that chaos will cease asap. My prayers also goes to all brave armies fighting with their lives for peace and order in Marawi. 😦
“We can Trust Him that He will never leave us to walk these dangerous streets alone.”

Love,

Nj

616

5 Jun


Never I’d expected that I will face again this syndrome in my life. First, I had it on my right wrist in year 2014 or 2015?!! Got rehab sessions at UERM for my wrist. No joke, it’s very painful. I cannot use my hand, I cannot hold and grip things well. Huhu. Then, it’s been three weeks that I’m enduring pain on my left wrist. I am thankful that Ate Grace and Cheryl accompanied me to KGH for check-up. Good thing, there’s a Pinay NOD in OPD that morning, she helped us a lot, from registration, short queue, brought me to good ortho consultant, prepared my medication, and until the end!! Thank youuu, Ate Joanne! Actually, I didn’t know the real cause why I got this syndrome?? I just remember that three weeks ago I spent my day off doing the laundry, I used a dipper to transfer water to washing machine though I used a water hose too, but I just wanted to fill the washing machine with water fast. That’s why I strained my wrist!? Hmmm. 

I’ve received this medication, after the doctor assessed my wrist, he’s so quick to rule out that I have De Quervain Syndrome just by holding my hand. 



(Photo credits from google – the medication was opaque white in color, not like this photo above, but that’s the site and injection used. Depo Medrol is a steroid which reduce inflammation. First time to received this drug!!) 

After I have received Depo Medrol injection, the doctor said I will have severe pain for 2-3 days, and I must take pain reliever. GAAASH!! It’s so freaking painful, I even cried like a baby with my parents during our video conference. Too much pain on my first day. I can’t use my hands. I am thankful that my head nurse had given me two more extra off! 



(This was my left wrist, there’s a mild swelling and redness)


I got depressed for awhile because I am overthinking, what if it will not heal? What if I cannot use my left hand again? So many what ifs, but my faith had Saved me. I relaxed. I prayed. I listened to mass, to Brother Bo’s full tank videos, and to worship songs. I even watched #OneLove Manchester benefit concert on Youtube! The livestream was so good. All the artists were adorable. Unity. Love. Peace. Warmth. Everybody was safe. The skies were amazing too. 
Thanks to my family, friends, and flatmates for your support! I know God will heal me soon. Love youuuu πŸ’– 

| 06042017 |
Always be grateful 🌷

Love,

Nj

613

2 Jun

(Please excuse my haggard yet grateful twenty-three year old selfie at the Ateneo Professional School sign after I passed my Prometric Exam on June 2, 2016!) 

Yes, It’s been a year since I passed the Saudi Council exam. And it’s been four years since I took the Philippine Nursing Licensure Exam in 2013. Time flies so quickkkk as pakkk. What I have gained so far? Hmm. Fats, Experience, and Friends. Sad to say, I will not be able to get a copy of my license and certificates here in KSA because it’s toooo freaking costly!!! I finished my expensive dataflow to be able to get those stuff, but homaygallyyy so mahal!!! I will not renew my contract and I have no plan to go back here in KSA, if I paid for those certificates as if I took the exam with the same price as getting certificates, maybe it’s just a waste of money. Letting go from all my future worries, for now. And letting God to direct my steps for the next coming years! 

June 2 seems to be a memorable date on my career. Also, the universe made me happy again with this date, because of BTS’ JK and Jimin dropped their Cover of We don’t talk anymore!!! 

Listen and stream, loves:

We Don’t Talk Anymore 🎢
Thank you for this beautiful cover dedicated esp. for ARMY family. Repeatedly listened to this song for more than 10x!!! Saranghaeyo, jungkookiee~ jimin-shi~ 😍

Always be grateful 🌷

Love,

Nj

588

9 May

Who wouldn’t love cute stuffs!? Kawaii!! I loved cute and colorful stuffs! Even my personal passwords have something related to these. I’m really missing my creative side, hello other side of me, my love for doing art projects like scrapbook, drawing, doodling, and designing my planner/ journal. Huhu. Why I even have to stop doing these things, and even I still miss, I am that lazy for how many years now. I followed inspiring and creative people on Instagram and Youtube. And, wowwww! I’m very jealous of how their passion for art made them into a success. Their earning for doing what they really love and enjoy the most. They are pursuing their dreams at its fullest! I loved to follow people jampacked with passion, and stories of struggle and dreams. I followed Abbey Sy, Kaila Ocampo, and creators behind momolovespaper, inkscribbler, valster and studywithinspo!! Awww. I want to be an intern and work with all of you. Some part of me really wants to live in Japan or South Korea someday because I feel I supposed to live there haha! I want to pursue my love for arts, painting, dancing, travel, photography, calligraphy, and all things that makes me happy. I know these was my first love before working as a nurse. I don’t hate my job now, but I wanted to explore more of myself, pursue my dreams and passion. Work for progress not to impress. Work with all my heart. I felt drained and stagnant this year but I need to save my salary to be able to fund for myself when I will go home this year. I want to discover and know myself more. For I know, God is directing my steps and He is with me all the time. Step by step with Him, I know all my dreams will turn from impossible to possible and His plan for me will unfold πŸ’«πŸ’«πŸ’«


(Screen captured these from rainbowholic because just because I am moved. Huhu. Can’t wait to read your blog posts! Soon!)






Always be grateful 🌷

Love,

Nj

587

8 May

(Sunrise view from our ward’s pantry window)

It has not been easy, homie. Nine months. And I’m down to less than three months till my end of contract. I’m not quitting. I’m just finishing my one year contract. I will not renew. I decided to exit even though I have no real back-up plan when I go home in my place. I don’t have a job. I’m letting go of my stable job and high salary here. I’ve come to think and feel what I really wanted. It’s very hard to come at this point of my decision. Hopefully this week, I could file my vacation and resignation for exit. My police clearance and dataflow were already on process. 

I just tried this thing on Facebook on what future post for me in 2018.

Great changes are coming to my life! πŸ™ŒπŸΌ

Feeling positive and motivated for better changes in my life next year. I don’t know where will be my next destination, next obstacle, next adventure and experience. Nevertheless, I am trusting God, and I will be leaving everything up to Him.

Always be grateful🌷

Love,

Nj

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