Tag Archives: Faith

670 – back to you ✨

23 Jul

After we went to Balagtas, Bulacan to return my niece on her mother side, I decided to make an order at Dolora’s Pancit. My dad deserved some delicious meryenda to lessen the stress he encountered on the road. As in stressful, from a driver side. Coz for me, I just slept at the back seat almost all of the time while on the road. Hehe.

Fed our hungry tummy after our roadtrip. Then after, my dad dropped me at OLA Church around 1530H. It feels so good to be back. Feeding my spiritual soul alive. Prayed at blessed sacrament. Took time to thank God and praise Him for all the good things He had privided me. The mass started at 1600H. I miss singing church songs and all the vibe while celebrating mass. I felt a little guilty because I took a quick nap two-three minutes maybe? While hearing the liturgy of the word. 🙈 As the mass ended, I went to father to bless me. Then I went out to buy candles. I waited for my turn to pray and to light up. I prayed for a lot of people. Myself. Family. Friends. Whole nation. I casted my worries and heart desires to our dearest Lord. I felt relieved and energized. Thank you Lord!!! ❤️

Since I had a good mood after I walked going home, spiritually energized, I went out again for a jog at MSC!!! The entrance fee was still the same, 10php. MSC was renovated with new paint and equipment.  I had to do a warm up, stretch and walk. I had 10 laps. Jogged 6 laps. Walked 4 laps. I was hyped by my playlist on my phone. Before I went home, I’m interested to try Zumba again, so I asked one sister there, Ate Kat-Kat, Zumba was 50php for an hour, M-W-F-Sun. The zumba trainor came and took my phone number because he said for Zumba updates. When I got home, he started texting me and tried to open a conversation with me. Uhm. I didn’t want to be rude, so I replied. It’s getting quite personal, so I lifted my boundaries again and chose not to reply anymore. Here we go again, self. 🙈

That’s it for my Sunday. I must try my very best to free my Friday and Sunday to be able to bond with Sophia, Lola, and my Family, and I pray that we can all attend in The Feast. I miss crying my heart out loud during praise and worship, and hearing inspirational stories. 

Always be grateful 🌷

Love,

Nj

660 – b a l i k b a y a n 🇵🇭

13 Jul

Last eleven months I departed PH, it rained. When I arrived after eleven months, it’s raining too. Just a coincedence, or maybe it’s just a rainy season in our country. Hehe. But I’m very grateful to God, for blessing me the gift of courage, endurance, and faith that I was able to conquer everything by myself. I went out and go back alone after eleven months!!!!! 

I got teary-eyed when we landed. They were clapping inside the plane. “Mabuhay” Okaaaay, I got toooo emotional when that line I heard from the crew. Ughhhhh. I was just so happy that I’m really at home! Manila!!!!!! I survived!! I’m cleared! I’m healthy! I’m at peace! Huhu! I just had flashback of memories for all that I’ve been through in KSA. I deserved a real tap on myself for coming back alive, strong, and healthy. Thank You Lord!! 💖

~ First time that I did on my flight was applying a face mask haha (good thing, I’m on the window side and the two men beside me were sleeping), and I wrote my journal entries there even the plane was flying. 


(Haha! I just had to put these stickers!!! But what influenced me to put this on? Maybe because I was influenced by Ms. Liah’s  or Joan Kim’s vlog on Youtube (skincare is lifeu even in flight) mode haha), I watched it a week before my flight, and I have a pimple that’s starting to grow.. and I stayed at the airport for almost six hours so, my face needs to breath and have some moisture so tadaaaah hahaha!!! I just wanted to try it, that’s all, sorry for the lengthy explanation there haha ~ my pimple still grew red the other day, but that’s it, my pimple just sit on my face for two days!!! Yeyy!)


(Yep! I need to release my thoughts and feels on my almost 10 hours flight? So, yes to journaling even in flight mode!!!)


I just had a nap by the way. I fell asleep while watching Table 19 😫

And I took snaps of the skies 😍😍😍😍 *priceless view everrrrrr!!!!!! All I want to say was Lord, Thank You for everything!!! I owe my life to you. Allow me to serve you more. 



My balikbayan experience: 

  • Arrived too early for my flight at King Khalid Airport. I have excess baggage allowance but they were not strict!!! Huhu thank you!!! Checked-in early. Listened to my playlist while waiting and reminiscing. Took a nap too. All by myself waiting in vain. Yeppp. Strong and independent version 2.0 charrrr!
  • Departed 0730H at RUH. 
  • Arrived 2210H at PH.
  • Free wifi saved the night. Coz I only got piso balance on my free sim. Hehe and I sent it to my dad’s non-working service number, very nice noh. 
  • Long line in immigration. As in. 🙄
  • Siksikan mga ateng, while getting our luggages. Singit kung singit ang mga ateng, bes. While I just patiently waited for my luggage, surfing the net and umapak ako sa trolly ko para kitang-kita ko ung maleta ko. Grabe kasi sila sumingit kahit nasa harap ka na. Huhubelz. 😒
  • I handed over the package to Ate Marj’s mom. 
  • Fifteen minutes after, my dad saw me!!!!! And yes, reunion peg haha. Hugs & kisses. 
  • First time to ride our new Fortuner! *May inambag ako dito like woohoo! 
  • Went to NAIA 3 Arrival to fetch our cousins from Cebu! While waiting, I ate Cheezy chips! *kakamiss, chichirya is lifeu hehe. Of course pala, I saw my brother.. and ayun act normal lang. 
  • 2 am Hits!!! We all ate at Shakey’s. Ugh mojos, gravy, thin crust pizza, spag, carbonara, and chicken!!!! Spent almost 3k? But happy tummy, so okay!!! 
  • Lights offff – 4 am . . Feels good to be home. 


(My dad prepared my bed!!!!! Washed all our stuff toys and tadaaah! 💖)

Official Tambay Diaries # on the next blogposts. 

Thanks for reading! 🙂 

Always be grateful 🌷 

Love,

Nj

655

9 Jul

Bad news: Still my exit visa is not ready.

Good news: Our hospital director will give me Certificate of Employment!!

Bad news: I will pay for my second luggage at the airport. My hospital will not shoulder that expense because I will stay in RUH more than 12hrs. I paid 30SR for my ride going to Saudia, just to clear this luggage issue. I will pay at the airport for 140SR. So done and down. 

Good news: Sister Somia lend me her weighing scale. Weighed my three luggages, it’s just fit for its alloted allowance . 

I will not buy anymore here in ABH. Enough, self. Restrain. 

Keep your head up. God is in control with all these things that are happening. 

Love you, self!! Kaya mo yan. Mixed emotions lang yan. Wag ma-stress!! Thank you, besh(my flatmates)? At napapansin nyo na bad mood ako lately? Haaay kakaloka kayo in so many ways but I will always forgive y’all!!! 

Tomorrow will be a good day! *pls.. 

Love,

Nj

654

8 Jul

My internet data just ended. That’s why I wasn’t able to post for two days. Good thing, I can adjust the dates published here. 

So, what I’m doing lately? I’m just here sitting alone with my thoughts and emo playlist. Keeping myself busy making letters for my sisters here in KSA. Making art too. I hope they will cherish my simple gift and letter. As much as I wanted to have bonding with my flatmates, they are all inside their rooms resting. I knew they need rest, so I will just understand them, let them sleep, and I will continue my thing. 

It’s just a sad reality that when you’re so happy yesterday, it will be the opposite for tomorrow. Life is just like this. Maybe it’s just maintaining homeostasis of emotions. Call up to God, Rely always to Him. Pray in every circumstances. 

I’m just holding on here while waiting for my papers to finish, happy days soon. 
Hang in there. Tomorrow is another day.

Love,

Nj

653

7 Jul

My flatmates have different duties. I’m just at home. Yes, I knew they are tired and stressed already from their work. As much as possible, I’m pretending to be okay and smile at them. Asked on how’s their day and the follows. Why they are not asking if I’m okay? I’m very stressed honestly while waiting for all my papers to finish. I’ve wasted my money, time and effort. Should have been in Riyadh or Philippines by now if I really fixed my papers fast and wise. I’m blaming myself. I am hurting myself. Sorry, self. Huhu. I wanted someone to comfort me. Thanks to my sister who’s always there for me. Even if she scolded me, she comforted me. I’m not telling anyone my problems, except to my sister. But most of the time I keep it only with myself. I keep on reminding myself that it’s not a big deal, move on, understand the situation, and you will be okay. I keep on fighting my battles alone while pretending I’m fine. As long as I can do it, I will be calm. Putting all my stress into artworks and letters. Keeping that smile. Heads up. 

I will be okay.

God is in control, always 💖

Love,

Nj

640 – my k.s.a diaries

26 Jun

In the mood today to share my story, just wanted to open up, might as well be helpful on freeing heavy weight in my heart and motivate at least one human being, reading this. As of the moment, I’m typing in note app on my phone, lying on our shared king-sized bed, covered up again with my thick blanket because it’s cold in our room and I don’t want to be seen by my roommate and I don’t want to be distracted. Just me, and my thoughts. My real story.
Reasons why I’ve decided to work in KSA:

  • I’m tired of working hard with a small salary in a stressful environment. I wanted to have growth in my nursing career. I wanted to challenge myself even if I only have my two years clinical experience and months of volunteering. I took risk and step out of my comfort zone. 
  • I wanted to follow my sister in KSA. I don’t know if she knew that even if I have my best friends, I’m always attached with my sister. As much as possible, I never wanted to be separated with her. But she’s always the mature, strong but soft-hearted, and independent woman that I’ve known. She always wanted to leave out in our house because of her work distance from our house. That’s an excuse also for my sister to enjoy her youth, the fact of being away from the sight of our strict dad, so I understand her. But you know, I’m always sad whenever she’s leaving.. she’s like my second mom, most esp. when our mom is not always around. 
  • Of course.. to earn more money. I didn’t came to a poor family, only in middle-class as they called it. My mom is the bread winner, she’s working as nurse at Kuwait ever since she was in her twenty something until now; while my dad is just at home for the longest time I’ve known since we’re a baby with no interest to work again ever, his main role at home is to take care os us, me and my siblings. I’m a frugal type of person, but if I’m with my favorite human, I can spend like a princess. I’m not a fan of credit card and debts. I value money that’s why I saved a lot, at times.. Among my siblings, I have a lot of savings compare to them when we were studying.. my siblings always spend a lot on stuff that’s not important using our mom’s hard-earned money. I study hard to make my parents proud at me esp. my mom who’s very hardworking. We’re not poor as I told you, but I even applied for grant-in scholarship when I was in college. Money is the devil to most families, also to us. Money is always an issue in our household. I always cry like a baby. I hate it. I hate myself for the fact that because of money, responsibilities at home, the sight of my dad and brother fighting and disrespecting each other, and my dad who’s having self-pity almost every day, I ran out, I escape, and pushed myself to work here alone, all by myself through application, registration, flying here, going to my assigned hospital and room, until I resigned, I will still go home alone. But I appreciated now the art of being alone. There’s a good thing I learned and discovered about myself while being alone. 

My silent struggles in KSA:

  • A lot!!!! Like language barrier #1, being and living independently, wearing a tarha/hijab, can’t access my Spotify, eating my fave foods, controlling my wanderlust peg to travel, adapting alone for three months, adapting with my flatmates, sharing stuff with my flatmates, walking or doing errand outside alone day/night, not so good accommodation – food allowance/mess money/budget and transportation, unfair treatment of doctors to nurses, toxic duties, mental health, physical health, spiritual practice, social skills, creepy Saudi men, even teenagers!!! And homesickness maybe 10%.. in addition, it’s also a struggle to be a fangirl here, maybe 30%!!! And manyyyy more to mention.. Everyday I struggle but I will not tackle in every detail.. maybe someday if I can able to share it without any hesitation or doubt.. coz we all do struggle, it’s part of life and it’s part of our growth. No pain, no gain.

Reasons why I will not renew my contract and decided to quit my secured job:

  • I’m not genuinely happy.
  • I do not deserve this.
  • Safety is a must priority, *females!!
  • I am more than deserving for better growth and opportunities out there.
  • I decided to enjoy my youth by giving myself an early birthday gift, to choose joy and follow my dreams. I’m still confused and frustrated right now, but I hope I can figure it out and be fully ready on what I really want to do for the next years to come. 
  • I am not a slave for money and for the fact that they refused to give my employment certificate if I didn’t serve here for three years minimum. WTH. Imagine working in a month with only six days off, I heard some MOH with only four days off in a month, as in whaaaat!!!!!?? OMG. Luckily, I have a privilege for extra offs from my kind head nurse. That extra off was the accumulated extra hours of work. For example, in a week you have a total of eight hours overtime, so it will be one day extra off. Coz overtime pay here is zero SR. Charity for some areas. 
  • I’m not quitting because I can’t do this job anymore being a premature charge nurse and because of toxicity or what, coz we all know it’s part of the course.. *sometimes I can just sit on my duty doing nothing, and watching k-dramas, that’s our benign days goes. I just don’t want to be ignorant anymore of the language barrier among my patients and health team. I learned only basic Arabic, yes I survived but I still can’t properly teach proper education on my patients for example.

Of course there’s something I loved here in KSA, Southern region to be specific:

  • I really love the nice and cool weather here. I think I am born during cold season that’s why I was able to adapt really well. I didn’t got sick like common colds and cough, tonsillitis, diarrhea-like, fever and the ill-symptoms when you’re stressed. NEVER. Thank you God!!! Actually, I gained fat. I’m that kinda hiyang talaga here. 
  • Internet access – STC. Sometimes it’s craaaappyyyy but it’s way better than our connection in PH.. kdrama pa more!!!!!! Fangirl pa more!! Stream pa more!!! *I always got a message that I consumed my data faster than expected or usual. Hehe oh! serry. 
  • The abaya dress, because I can wear my PJs all day and night when going OUT even I didn’t took a bath. Haha! But I don’t like wearing tarha/hijab!!! My face is very different if I wear those. 
  • I’m happy that I’ve met and gained sisters here, our kabayan, then Indian, and Saudis. They said, we can be friends to all but only trust a few.. that’s so true.. I’m thankful that I’ve met Bessy Cheryl and Ate Grace here. I will do cherish and keep in touch the most to them when I will fly back to PH soooon 💖

~ Before I end this sharing, I also want to tell that right now, I’m experiencing God’s delays, coz supposed to be I must be on my home country before this month ends.. but still I haven’t booked my return ticket, my passport’s not with me, not applied yet for bank clearance needed for my exit visa. All in hold because of this holiday’s celebration. Wow lang, diba? But I MUST HOLD ON TO GOD, HAVE FAITH IN HIM THAT IN EVERY THING I AM EXPERIENCING AS OF THIS MOMENT HAS A PURPOSE!!!!! Kakapit lang me, at makakauwi rin naman tayo, self

Thanks for reading!

Always be grateful 🌷

Love,

Nj

631

18 Jun

What to feel? 
Ambivalent.

Sad but grateful.

Excited but scared.

A bit of separation anxiety

But thankful for No last duty symdrome. Received six patients, 1 DAMA, then no admission, trans-out, trans-in, discharge, or absconded. 

Survived my 309 clinical duty experience in KMMCH, all thanks to my Heavenly Father up there!!!!! Nurse NJ, officially signing out..
Always be grateful 🌷

Love, 

Nj

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